I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize