Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
