my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
