You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
