i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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