im drinking this country out of the recession.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
