don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
