I heard we made out
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize