I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you never un-have a 4some
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
