He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
