i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
