she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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