I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize