a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
