nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
