mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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