If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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