Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
