yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
