I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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