I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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