i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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