What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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