Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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