Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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