guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
