I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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