Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
