Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We need to get me chipped asap
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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