Quick, to the slutcave!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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