I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
