she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
