Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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