Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
