you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
