I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
