Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize