I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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