My balls are so social today.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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