hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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