you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
