So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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