The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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