so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize