I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
