you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
