Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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