So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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