Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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