we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
