No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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