Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
