i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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