I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
