saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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