"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
