It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
