Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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