I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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