so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
