I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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