Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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