some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drunk is not a location!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
