Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
