everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
