I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
