You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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