$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
