The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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