And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
