His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
