i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
