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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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