So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
