I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
