we're blogging at a bar
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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