hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
