So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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