I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I looked at my own cervix.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
