she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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