I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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