Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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