I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
