You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
