If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
